Secret Boors - Vol. I

I have been on an extended intelligence gathering mission, my earthling friends, but I have now returned, just in time to launch my new Reality TV series, Secret Boors, about one of the humans I have become aware of during my time on your planet.

His name? Kal Korff, a man who is apparently a Colonel in some super-secret agent group (I don't write this stuff, people - I just report it).



Oh... my... Valdegrat!

And I thought some of the humans I met in Roswell were weird.

More to come, as I see fit... although for your sake as a planet and species, I will not be including any material from Secret Boors in my reports back to my homeworld.

Zorgrot
Rear Admiral

Exploratory Mission No. 7 - Report #1

I have just returned from an exploratory mission in the country you Earthpeople call the United States of America. I was traveling with filmmakers Paul Kimball and Findlay Muir, and, for part of the time, with their new sidekick, Mac Tonnies.

Here is a photo of Earthman Tonnies and I at a place called Newport Beach, California.

I was hopeful that I might run acrosss earthwoman Carmen Electra while there, but no such luck.

Still, this Newport Beach was quite impressive. Like the Majestic-12 saga, it seemed never-ending. Unlike the Majestic-12 saga, however, it was definitely real.

Z.

Endorsement of Paul Hellyer

Normally I do not involve myself in Earth politics (I'm too busy exploring). However, I am going to make an exception at this time, given recent events, which I have been monitoring from my base.

It has come to my attention that Paul Hellyer, who has taken a very enlightened attitude towards dealing with we extraterrestrials, is being urged to enter the "leadership race" of the Liberal Party in the administrative region (or, as Earthpeople would say, country) you call Canada.

Now, I admit to being a bit fuzzy on the details of all of this - on my planet, our leaders are chosen by an entirely different method (which is, of course, classified). Still, from what I can tell, if the Earthman Hellyer enters and wins this campaign, he could become the Prime Minister of Canada, which would make him an Earthperson of some importance and influence.

Given his stance against the employment of space-based weapons, which could defend you from alien attack (er... not that we are planning any attack, of course), and his view that all aliens are peaceful (of course we are - as I tell everyone, I Come in Peace!), I offer, on behalf of my world, the following endorsement:

Vote Hellyer.

Now, back to exploring.

Zorgrot,
Rear Admiral

P.S. I've been promoted again!

UFO Planet

As part of my ongoing anthropological survey of your planet, I have decided to join what is known, apparently, as a "chat group." Above you can see my profile from UFO Planet (which can be found on your Internet at www.ufo-planet.net), where I am now a member.

Earthlings at UFO Planet seem like nice creatures, and more intelligent than most of the Earthlings I have observed on the Internet since I arrived.

You may interact with me there, as I embark on Phase 2 of my mission.

Zorgrot

I Have Returned

I have just returned from an extended exploratory mission throughout the United States of America (that's me below, with two of Cedar Rapids' finest citizens not named Kevin Randle), and am eager to share some of my findings with you.


For example, while I've been on your planet, and keeping an eye on those who study what you call "The UFO Phenomenon," I've noticed that most "Ufologists" bemoan the lack of serious scientific study given to UFOs.

As they whistle on Baxiclar Prime, "be careful what you wish for."

While in the Southwest, I discovered that the University of Utah takes the question of ET life very seriously. They even offer a course in the subject.

Physics 1490 - Does ET Exist?

Despite being mildly offended by the title of the course, I decided to look into it.

Some of the areas of study?

1. What is the universe?
2. What is life?
3. How do we define intelligent life? [Z. note - your standards are a lot less rigorous than mine]
4. How strange can life be? [Z. note - you have NO idea]
5. Are ETs likely to be plentiful?
6. Is it possible to travel to other solar systems (a class is even held on relativity and UFOs)?
7. If ET exists, then where is she? [Z. note - HE is RIGHT HERE!]

Seems like good news for Ufologists, oui? [Z. note - I picked up some French-language knowledge while in Louisiana]

Non.

The text for the course?

Life in the Universe by Bennett, SHOSTAK and Jakosky.

The text for the term paper?

Contact by Carl Sagan.

Uh oh.

The real clue as to the nature of the course comes with the final two questions listed for discussion:

1. Should we search for ET and if so, how?
2. What is SETI?

My answers?

1. Get out into space yourself. We're waiting for you!
2. Earthman Friedman has it right - Silly Effort to Investigate.

For more information on the course see www.physics.utah.edu/~cassiday/p1490.syllabus1490.html.

Oh well, ufologists. Better luck next time.

For my part, I can only say - good to be back!

Zorgrot,
Commander
(I've been promoted!!)

P.S. I come in peace... honest.

Y and Z - More Than Just the Last Two Letters of the Alphabet

I'm currently on the road "exploring" (hehehe) but I had to note briefly that it's good to see my old pal, Yoda, getting the attention he deserves from you Earthpeople.

He and I used to have quite a little thing going on Denzibar Prime, as tag team anti-grav grapplers (your WWE "superstars" haven't got a clue as to what real wrestling is all about).

The crowd would go nuts when he dropped his walking stick and whipped out that lightsaber of his.



Our best match was against a couple of Wookies, oh, must have been over 100 of your years ago. As you Earthpeople might say, it had a "David and Goliath" angle that was irresistible. The afterparty was pretty cool too - those Wookies sure can pound back the ale.

Anyway, it's great to see Y. is in movies now. I may look him up...

Z.

P.S. The galaxy wasn't that far away, and it wasn't all that long ago. FYI.

Stanton Friedman - Flying Saucer Physicist, or Psycho Killer?

Two questions:

1. What is in the trunk?

2. Why is Earthman Friedman laughing?

Just curious.

Z.